I know that it may seem as though I am not committed, and have been very hard on myself about this in the past, but it’s actually that I’ve matured to know exactly what I need and when I need it most.

Yet again, yoga has crept back into my life and I have welcomed it with open arms (literally).

It took me a short while to start recognizing the spiritual benefits rather than what pose I could or couldn’t stretch myself into. I still, sometimes, have to remind myself of its intended purpose and put my head in check. I feel as though I am pretty spiritually connected when I allow myself to be and listen to my heart instead of my head. I get into bouts where I feel so disconnected. Which brings me to a specific time in a yoga class when I was too involved in my head.

I was being particularly hard on myself before and during the class. I had brought in my tension and thoughts of self-doubt and couldn’t shake them. The instructor, Trish, was always great at pushing me physically and mentally but this time I was leading with anger and frustration. The class finished with savasana, a.k.a. corpse pose, with the lights out, when Trish began reading The Invitation by Oriah. Not far into the reading, all of the anger, frustration and doubt that I was battling had no where else to go but out – with tears – lots of them. Thankfully it was dark and everyone else was too exhausted to notice my personal revelation. The emotional release was exactly what I needed to get back on track.

Although I still spend too much time in my head, I know that as long as I can find my way out, I’ll be just fine.

Here is the beautiful piece that brought me back to where I wish I could stay.

The Invitation by Oriah

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

It prevented me from putting my hand up in class, hindered my presentation skills and was a cause of endless teasing. I would feel my face burn up and beg my skin not to turn red, but it never listened to my pleas. It was inevitable that I would blush. It happened in any situation, at any time – pair me with a boy and fuhgeddaboudit!

My face still burns up uncontrollably but I’ve reached a place of acceptance. I figure that since there’s nothing I can do about it, I might as well go with it. It makes me laugh to myself because most of the time, there really is no reason for my blushing. It happens completely randomly! In the worst possible situations, the most unnecessary situations…it’s almost as bad as when I laugh uncontrollably in awkward situations, but I’m still waiting on the results of that study.

My mom used to have this great friend who I admired as a child. She was tall, slender and sassy. The thing that made her more beautiful was her confidence. I remember her always telling me her thoughts of people who would criticize her, “if you like me, great, if you don’t, piss off!” I was in awe of how she didn’t care what people thought of her. She was quite brash, loud and crazy-fun and I will always remember what she taught me!

Revenge of the Introvert

After reading this article, (it took me a few days, being an introvert, I needed to appreciate my surroundings while doing so), I gained an immense amount of perspective on the kind of person I am. For all of the times I’ve felt insecure about my introverted-ness, I realized that I simply communicate differently than some other people – it’s not the wrong way, it’s just another way.

So many statements in the article ring true for me and a lot of the times while reading I had to laugh because I’ve thought/said/done a lot of the examples in the described scenarios myself.

I often criticize or judge myself in social situations because I feel that I’m the ‘awkward’ one. I’m an analytical person but I take it to the next level when I feel that my social skills are not up to ‘normal’ standards. Not that I am socially inapt, but there are many times when I’m just not feeling like being overly social. It makes me feel so uncomfortable when I force myself to fake it, and it can be quite noticeable.

This may seem odd considering the business I’m in, but there have been many times where I feel physically tired after donning on my biggest smile and talking to numerous strangers at an event.

So, I’m giving myself permission to not worry about it and continue to be myself without striving to be at a certain social level and be happy with however I am currently feeling. When you see me out, don’t be offended if I’m not bombarding you with questions or that I’m taking my time answering yours. I’m not being rude, I’m being extremely polite by being fully present and aware in our interactions.