December 1st

I’m a little emotional today because today is the day that I would be decorating my house for Christmas. It’s a bittersweet sacrifice because it was something that I truly loved doing. Now that all of my decorations are packed away, perhaps it’s the entire tradition that I’ve created for myself that is getting me choked up. 

I would also be planning my annual Christmas party. I always had so much fun preparing for the night where I could catch up with friends to share a drink and/or a laugh. This is another tradition that I will be skipping this year.

My recent thoughts of nostalgia for the holidays brings me to the idea of family.

I have a very broad definition of family. It may be too broad for some to understand or to adapt for themselves, but I am truly proud of it. It is very hard to explain but I will break it down here…

I am the only biological child of my parents. Both of my parents have been married prior to each other. However, my sister and my brother with whom I share a mother with, have always been my sister and my brother – NOT “half”.

My brother and sisters father and his wife are like a second set of parents to me. Their daughter is like another sister to me. They are so much a part of my life that, to others bewilderment and confusion, there is nothing odd about my going to their house for a Thanksgiving dinner. I see this relationship as completely normal but I guess that from the outside looking in, it is rather quite unusual. All three of them have been a big part of my life and I only see those relationships as a bonus amount of love in my life, not an oddity. 

My father had a son, before I was born, who was adopted by another man. He reconnected with us and chose to disconnect himself again. One of the greatest days of my life was to meet my brother. Although it’s been over ten years since I saw him last, and as much as I know it breaks my dads heart that he’s not around, I will never consider him a “half” brother, he will always be whole.

My dad has remarried to a woman with two children of her own. They may not have asked for a sister, they may not need one, but I will always consider them a sister and a brother. Her parents are my grandparents; her sister, my aunt, and so on. 

My point is, I feel as though adding “step” or “half” or “in-law” to someone diminishes their meaning.

I grew up knowing people with a lot of “steps” in their lives and it always seemed that their respect and faithfulness to those people were less than what they would give of the “non-step” people in their lives. I do not think it is fair to do that to anybody and being a “step” is one of the hardest roles in life. 

The same rules apply with “in-law”. My brother in-law is my brother and my sister in-law is my sister. Plain and simple. The day that they become a part of my family, it is my promise to love them unconditionally – just as I would do for every other member. 

As for my “half” sister and brother – I guess that’s where it all started for me. I came into their lives when they were nine and ten and I am so grateful to them for never, not for a single second, making me feel like a “half”.

Some may think my view is naive or hokey, but I truly believe that the more love you have in your life, the better life you’ll have. Because I have never categorized those relationships, I have had an abundance of love and happiness as a result. I will faithfully stand by the people I love to the bitter end. I will fight for them, I will sacrifice for them. I will do whatever it takes to always make them feel whole.