Emotions Get the Best of Me, For the Best of Me

Yoga became a hobby for me almost two years ago. I call it a ‘hobby’ because I have let myself wander away from it time to time over the two years. When I started at Kula, I was so passionate about it, I attended classes daily. Later, I barely went for months. Then, I picked it up again and it was a welcomed old friend, just what I needed back in my life.

I know that it may seem as though I am not committed, and have been very hard on myself about this in the past, but it’s actually that I’ve matured to know exactly what I need and when I need it most.

Yet again, yoga has crept back into my life and I have welcomed it with open arms (literally).

It took me a short while to start recognizing the spiritual benefits rather than what pose I could or couldn’t stretch myself into. I still, sometimes, have to remind myself of its intended purpose and put my head in check. I feel as though I am pretty spiritually connected when I allow myself to be and listen to my heart instead of my head. I get into bouts where I feel so disconnected. Which brings me to a specific time in a yoga class when I was too involved in my head.

I was being particularly hard on myself before and during the class. I had brought in my tension and thoughts of self-doubt and couldn’t shake them. The instructor, Trish, was always great at pushing me physically and mentally but this time I was leading with anger and frustration. The class finished with savasana, a.k.a. corpse pose, with the lights out, when Trish began reading The Invitation by Oriah. Not far into the reading, all of the anger, frustration and doubt that I was battling had no where else to go but out – with tears – lots of them. Thankfully it was dark and everyone else was too exhausted to notice my personal revelation. The emotional release was exactly what I needed to get back on track.

Although I still spend too much time in my head, I know that as long as I can find my way out, I’ll be just fine.

Here is the beautiful piece that brought me back to where I wish I could stay.

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

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